qwertyell

Too enamoured with his own genius to respect the basics of the game. Downes, Smallbone, and a diminutive, out of position striker wouldn't even be a midfield of substance in a testimonial. Not a tackle between them. In a competitive, physical league, it's taking the piss - and getting rightfully mauled.

Is that three games out of three where Downes' limp clearance has been our last touch before a goal conceded? Definitely against QPR. I've blocked the Sunderland goals from my memory.

Is that the mythological Jake Vokins he sends to the shops? I'd heard tell of such a creature, but no-one has seen him play a game of football in about three years. And yet he's still here.

Well, I went early doors and declared he'd turn out to be a Poundland Brendan Rodgers, during the Norwich game, and I'm sticking with that (for now). It's surely not a coincidence that none of his teams can defend at all. Which makes the unwavering adherence to his "philosophy" an exercise in futility, as it clearly doesn't work in at least one fundamentally crucial way. I don't see how he can be so self-satisfied with his approach that has thus far yielded fuck all across three clubs. It's all smoke and mirrors. Propaganda football, as Wee Gordon might say, between mouthfuls of almost expired yoghurt.

Who even knew Shaka Hislop had so many memorable quotes?

A centre back who can't defend, a left back who can't defend, a defensive midfielder who can't tackle, and a striker who currently can't even walk is perhaps not the most encouraging crack unit ever assembled. But I'm sure they'll have better days. Sure-ish. Objectively, Harwood-Bellis, Downes and Fraser are decent players. Charles is very promising. Holgate and Manning haven't made great starts - and maybe they'll turn out to be flops in the long term. No club in the history of football has a 100% hit rate with transfers. I doubt we're about to buck the trend. It's impossible to make any kind of assessment on Stewart until we see what physical condition he returns in (whenever that might be) after a career altering injury. It is what it is. We're a championship club now and have built a team that looks very much like a championship team. What else was expected? Whether we challenge for promotion will boil down to what this manager (or the next, or the next) can get out of the group. There's certainly enough there to stave off weekly 5-0 drubbings, you would hope.

Well, football dream weaver and philosophy nonce Martin was right the other week when he said we wouldn't have conceded 4 against Norwich with Flynn Downes in the team. It would've been 5. Not sure "pick Flynn Downes" should be a manager's sole defensive tactic. But then I'm not sure he's got many more ideas up his sleeve. Inept. And entirely on brand.

Shambles from start to finish. That's on the manager. We already know he can't set up a defence, but the midfield and attack make no sense today either. Why has Mara been picked to fail out of position on the wing when he made a difference last week as centre forward? Why is Adam Armstrong up top when he's been excelling in a deeper position? Why has Shea Charles been dropped so we can play Smallbone and Stuart Armstrong in a midfield with no physicality? Just your daily reminder that the managerial fraud Ruben Selles has won as many games this season as football visionary Russell Martin, with a team made up of kids and bits found in a skip. I'm amazed how many people are unable to spell Bazunu given how often his name crops up around here. It's past the point of even mentioning his contribution - what else is there to add at this point? Rubbish all round.

That's Russell Martin. His teams being defensively appalling is one of his quirks that we're all supposed to be impressed with, because he's got a philosophy. Our possession stats will still be super.

Selles is playing 4-4-2, so Ballard could form a decent old school little and large partnership with Kelvin Unspellablename (whose younger brother is in our 21s) who has been going well for Reading. Should be a good set up for him to get some men's football under his belt. I don't really think he can thrive as a lone striker - too small and lightweight as things stand. That's rarely been an effective combination for any striker since football widely abandoned two up in the early 2000s in favour of more physical lone strikers who can do a little bit of everything: hold up play, head, run in behind, get into wrestling matches. Whether Ballard can buck the trend, time will tell - his career is just starting out. But he'd get swallowed up whole leading the line for us currently. Adam Armstrong barely gets a kick unless deployed in a deeper role. And he's an experienced campaigner at this level.

Name popped up at the very beginning of the window, and was never mentioned again.

Forget that - he snapped his Achilles. No player ever comes back from that the same physical specimen.

He was released in July. Currently without a club.

Supposedly has a release clause of £20-25m, so it's probably irrelevant if his value skyrockets.

Same height as those famously useless fullbacks Phillip Lahm and Jordi Alba. Walker-Peters is a whole inch taller.

He has one goal in professional football. I think even Dan N'Lundulu can beat that. Hopefully our recruitment team casts a wider net than simply the last person they remember seeing.

He had some stinkers last season too. If he bags a goal, his overall performance tends to get overlooked, but as a midfielder he can be a bit iffy: loose on the ball, reckless in the tackle, and generally indisciplined. But he was signed as a rough diamond, so it's up to us to polish him up over time (if he stays here). It won't be plain sailing. Same with Mara, to an extent. He was signed as 19 year old striker with not much experience but plenty of promise, yet people are ready to bin him off on the basis of one season in which the whole club was absolutely useless - and he was far from the biggest culprit. I thought he showed today, as he has here and there, that there's the makings of a player lurking beneath those dreadlocks. Needs some nurturing (maybe a lot), not knee-jerkingly sent to Coventry for being shite in a few cameos on the wing (which isn't even his position). Won't be - and shouldn't be - our starting striker any time soon, but I hope he sticks around and builds on this game (and, according the manager, the Brentford game midweek in which he was "brilliant").

He's a right back like Lyanco's a right back: a centre back doing a limited job out of position that mostly involves kicking people. No chance he's been signed to replace Walker-Peters, unless everyone has lost their minds. We didn't try and sign an actual RB, Max Aarons, only to then settle for any old shitter who can fill in on occasion.

Guaranteed he'll choose the wrong one.

Our starting XI would be Will Smallbone and ten academy kids (not the best of them, like Amo-Ameyaw, who disloyally left Spurs for us).

He's in a bit of a weird position at the minute. Outside of the Premier League, very few teams have a cool £20-25m they can drop on an injury prone youngster. His stock is still high in Germany, but again there aren't many teams with the finances to make the deal make sense. Bayern and Dortmund being interested in him is all well and good - and they can probably foot the bill - but he's going to be fourth or fifth choice CB at those clubs, so it's not a great deal from his perspective, if he's looking to push on and put himself in contention for the German Euros squad. He needs to play games. The smart money would be on him staying, getting fit and playing regularly with us, and reassessing in January. I don't see how a loan works for him or us at this juncture.

https://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/football/news/mason-greenwood-bail-police-ignored-29122334 Not a possibility. It's literally what happened. The charges were dropped in February 2023. The key witness against him had his baby in July 2023. You don't need a degree in maths or biology to figure out that he knocked her up while violating the conditions of his bail. The case collapsed because the key witness - who was busy sleeping with the accused - withdrew their cooperation.

He broke the terms of his bail to have no contact with the key witness and knocked her up in the process. She then refused to be a witness against him and the case collapsed. And our justice system did little more than furrow its brow and tut. Grim.

He's had two absolutely devastating injuries in two years: ruptured ACL, followed by a ruptured Achilles tendon. He'll be lucky if he's still a fraction of the player he was before, when he gets back playing regularly.

I thought Ryan Finnigan might've gotten a look in during pre season, but doesn't seem to be fancied by the manager thus far. Crewe fans really rated him last season. Shame - it'd be nice to be filling up the squad places with academy grads rather than signing more and more players to block the pathway.