qwertyell

Honestly, who really cares at this stage? Whether we scrape to 12 points or not, we are the worst team in Premier League history - and should carry around that well-deserved branding as a constant reminder to everyone at the club that has overseen this absolute farce of a season. It should have to be the opening line on every one of their CVs. Derby County spent around £20m (adjusted for inflation) to be as bad as they were. We've spent around £100m to get relegated earlier than anyone has ever done. I don't think one point here or there makes this season any less embarrassing. We're not exactly fighting for bragging rights, here.

Which is why recruitment is going to be so hard. We need to bring in players who are PL quality, or that have the potential to become PL quality; or who are at the very least in the top percentile at Championship level - because getting promoted is priority one. And they need to a) not be wanted by any clubs above the Championship, b) want to play in the Championship, c) want to play for us in the Championship. And available and affordable. It's a narrow field. Anyway, goalkeeper cdajfu: Thomas Kaminski (32). Held his own in the PL last season, experienced, solid, and might be available for a song as Luton are in danger of going down to League One.

I mean, QPR were conceding 1.32 goals per game before our star centre back was nonsensically allowed to forgo single handedly saving our season to go and shore up QPR's defence to the tune of, uh, 1.4 goals conceded per game. Sure, he might have made their defence statistically worse, and a 5' 10" centre back of no great pace or physicality is at odds with the player profile the new sporting director wants to bring in, but at least he looks composed. That's the main thing, I guess.

I'd be watching the Jonathan Rowe (winger, 21) situation at Marseille. They're trying to find a way to get out of an obligation to buy him from Norwich at the end of the season. I doubt they'll be able to wriggle out of it if it's an obligation not an option, but De Zerbi doesn't want him. So he's potentially going to find himself in limbo. He's a proven Championship talent on the wing with a high ceiling and with attributes - pace and physicality - we both need and desire. Perhaps there's a little deal to be made there between us and Marseille? They sign him, loan him to us for a season with an option to make it permanent upon promotion for the same price (about £17m)?

Irrelevant. Players can only play official games for two different teams over the course of a season.

Should've scored four or five, fell to pieces in the last fifteen minutes. All the subs made us worse. Shame. Thought we were really good until Dibling and Fernandes went off.

Can't argue with the clean sheet - and well deserved; the defence knuckled down and did the basics without overcomplicating things. Wood actually looks a half decent prospect. Going forward we were atrocious, though. As bad as I can remember. There was just nothing there. It's been a bit of a running joke all season that our entire attack rests on the shoulders of an 18 year old, but it really feels that way. Armstrong and Archer were complete passengers. The midfield couldn't pass water. I'm not sure Ivan will be doing cartwheels tonight looking at the resources available to him. If he really wants to play with energy, pace, aggression and physicality there's fuck all of that about.

Our track record with Croatians isn't great... But good luck to Ivan the hopefully not terrible.

Can't tip shit out of a bucket. Burn it down.

Regardless of our shiteness, Spurs are absolutely there for the taking. Aside from playing like crap, they have one fit centre back (3rd choice), and both defensive midfielders suspended. If we can't manage a shot on goal, burn the stadium down and retire the club.

Another philosophy nonce who doesn't think he has to adhere to the basics of football because he's got a vision getting thoroughly found out. We can turn Spurs over next up. They haven't got any fit centre backs. Might have to radically alter our tactical approach to include shooting, though.

The damage will look worse because they cut him out of the car. And if it's a Ferrari it might be left hand drive. Hopefully.

Dropped into a shit show that he clearly wasn't ready for with us, but he's doing brilliantly at Reading. Kept them up last season in spite of points deductions, transfer embargoes, and a team made up of youth players and bits found in a skip. And now they're in the play off places - and above legend in his own lunchbox Nathan Jones' Charlton. Fair play. He may well be destined for better things. Nice bloke as well.

Honestly, we'll probably do okay. City have looked quite poor this season (for them) - they move the ball even slower and more predictably than we do. Wolves defended very comfortably against them the other day, before succumbing to a last gasp set piece. It'll probably be similar to the Arsenal game - we'll hang in there for a while, maybe start thinking an unlikely result is on the cards, and then lose 3-1. It won't be a cricket score.

Wasn't Clapham our set piece coach for about two months in the final throes of Hasenhuttl?

Flying V makes it sound a lot more dynamic than it was: a clogged U-bend.

Primera Liga is Portugal. Iraola managed in La Liga in Spain. First got Rayo Vallecano promoted, then finished 11th in one of the strongest leagues in the world. Also led two different teams to the Spanish Cup semi finals. It's pretty disingenuous to paint him has some random nobody plucked from obscurity. Leeds had previously tried to sign him when they were still in the Premier League.

Because he finally had surgery on the injury that the experts on this board were confidently claiming he was faking when he was with us.

Trying to make head or tail of last night's tactics. All I can imagine is that Russell had too long to think about the game - and therefore his own genius - and so came up with that fucking nonsense. He couldn't help it. It's his calling. Superpower, some might say. Him. Leaning back in his posturepedic pleather office chair on Friday, both hands behind his head, a chuckle to himself, and "you've only bloody reinvented football again, Rusty." Two midfielders as strikers were simultaneously a hindrance to our attacking threat yet offered no extra cover for our defence. It was absolutely futile. Literally pointless. "I hope they remember to thank me."

Obviously not the main issue of the day and probably wouldn't have made a jot of difference last night, but I'm going to keep banging the drum for how depressing it is that we bought in two declining journeymen wingers who haven't done shit in this league for a few years, and binned off our second brightest prospect back to the u21s.

Ever since his playing days, I can't not hear his name as John Useless. On that basis, I'm a no.

Bit of Rod Stewart perhaps? Tyler Dibling Tyler Dibling Down the right wing Or number ten Tiny shinpads He's our future Til he buggers Off again.

Oof - that feels like a defeat. But we're on the board. Baby steps and all that. I suspect we've just seen two of this season's relegated clubs.

What else are they going to post about? Wins? Goals? Points? Optimism?

What I would say to the argument that we played United off the park for the opening 35 minutes and therefore have shown we can really compete in the league, is United had 8 shots on target in that first half. Scored 2. Ramsdale made some big saves that stopped us going in 4 or 5 down. We had 4 shots on target in that period (and none thereafter). And 2 of them were the weak penalty and weak follow up header. It's hard to take much comfort from supposedly playing brilliantly for a short period yet still conceding twice as many chances as we created. If that's us dominating the play, then things look pretty bleak for the numerous times coming up when we won't be. The squad is the squad. It's incumbent on any manager to squeeze the absolute maximum out of his resources and find a way to be effective. I don't think anyone can seriously claim that he's doing that at present. Hasenhuttl was able to keep a few clean sheets with Bednarek, Stephens and Walker-Peters in the defence. Burnley kept some clean sheets with Charlie Taylor. Pochettino even won at least one game with Sam Gallagher as our starting centre forward. You can grind out results even with some pretty average players if you're properly organised and tactically astute. Does that sound like us? Style over substance might soothe Russell's fragile ego, but it's not going to do us as a club any favours I'm afraid.